We No Speak
by LAZYcrazyMISFIT
Summary: AUhetalia. When everyone is invited to Alfred's house, who knows what kind of madness will ensue? Especially when Ludwig walks in to bump into Tonio only to see the Vargas twins *ahem* ...dancing? I DO NOT OWN THE SONGS OR HETALIA! GerIta SpaMano and more to come!
1. Chapter 1: The Italies

**Hey guys! So~**

**I had this idea, and I couldn't help but write it. As I said in my other fic:**

**If I have grammar mistakes, comment and I'll fix them.**

**If you don't like a lil' bit a yaoi, don't read.**

**I don't own Hetalia. If I did, there would be an episode where 2p!England kidnaps regular England…**

**This game is like all those other dance games that come out on steroids. It doesn't really exist to my knowledge… (I DO NOT OWN THESE SIMILAR VIDEO GAMES OR ANY CONSOLES EITHER!)**

**If you want to see what I imagine the Italies dance like to this song, Go to youtube and look up "We No Speak Americano Choreography" (It's the one by idedance… I DON'T OWN THIS VIDEO OR THE CHOREOGRAPHY) **

**I do not own any songs that will be used in this fanfic!**

**SO~ Enjoy the dancing madness!**

Ludwig sighed as he pulled up to Alfred's driveway. The party started nearly ten minutes ago, and Ludwig hated being late to anything, even something as trivial as a party for the release of a new video game.

_What was it called again? Dancey Party? Dance Revolution? Something Dance…_

Ludwig thought as he walked up to the front door, but before he even had time to ring the doorbell, Alfred was standing there with a goofy grin on his face.

"I'm terribly sorry for being so late…"

Alfred smiled as he slapped Ludwig on the back.

"No problem dude! Just come on in and enjoy the partay!"

His last word was emphasized be the yells and shouts of all the other party-goers, and Ludwig quickly found himself being dragged into the living room, where the epicenter of the party was clearly located. Drinks in red solo cups covered practically every level surface in the large room, and all the furniture had been moved so that the players of the video game could have enough room to play. Every person in the room was either seated on the massive couches that were touching the walls, on the floor, or they chose to stand. Ludwig ended up sitting next to Antonio on the couch and they both spoke at the same time.

"Have you seen Feliciano?"

"Where's Lovi?"

Their answer came when the two brothers entered the room and both of the two men's jaws dropped. Both of their boyfriends entered the room clad in party-going attire. Feliciano was wearing tight red skinny jeans, a white dress shirt, a black vest with a green tie, and black leather boots that went up to his knees. Romano was dressed in a very similar style, but his sleeves were rolled up past his elbows, his tie was red, and he wore black skinny jeans. The finishing touch seemed to be that both brothers were wearing black fedoras, Lovino's having a small Spanish flag pinned to it and Feliciano's having a German flag instead.

They walked up to the front of the room and began bickering on which song to dance to.

"Ve~ We should dance to Butterfly!~"

"No, stupid. What about… Sexyback?"

Antonio's jaw dropped at this, and he nearly fainted at the mere thought of his little Lovi dancing like that. Ludwig managed not to yell out at this suggestion, but he was very clearly failing to keep his blush from consuming his entire face.

"No… What about a song with some Italian in it?! That could be fun!"

"What song did you have in mind?"

Feliciano paused as he thought for a moment, and then a devious smirk graced his normally cherubic features.

"How about…"

He stopped to whisper the last part of his sentence into Lovino's ear, and as soon as Feliciano was done speaking, Lovino curved his lips into a smirk that was nearly identical to that of his brother's.

"LET'S DO THIS, BITCHES!"

***MINI TIME SKIP***

They had gone through great lengths to keep people from seeing the song they were choosing, and after five minutes of cursing and frantically waving arms, the game was ready to start.

The song started innocently enough, some upbeat tune making its way from the speakers as the boys did relatively modest dance moves. Suddenly, Antonio heard the Italian lyrics, which led him to fully understand the nature of the song.

"_How can the one who loves you understand you,_

_If you're speaking half-American?_

_When you're making love under the moon,_

_How will you say "I Love You?""_

At this moment, the music stopped, and the dance suddenly wasn't so innocent anymore. The music became slightly more of what you would hear in a club, and the dance moves the boys were doing didn't exactly stay modest. The fact that they were executing the dance perfectly made everyone in the room cheer and yell for them. Well, almost everyone that is.

Ludwig and Antonio were sitting there in awe, not able to speak. The boys were performing the dance on the "Pro" level, and they still hadn't made a single mistake. Antonio was nearly sporting a nose bleed at the sight of his little tomato dancing like that, and Ludwig was trying so desperately not to break his façade of neutrality. Let's just say, he wasn't succeeding at that.

The boys finished the dance and smiled at each other. They turned around, hand-in-hand, and took a bow while they tried to hold back their smiles. When they came back up from the bow, both brothers simultaneously locked eyes with their boyfriend's. They walked over, hips swinging and mouths smirking, and sat in their boyfriend's laps.

"So~" Lovino drawled out, "Enjoy the show?"

Antonio found himself speechless. From where he had been sitting, he hadn't been able to see Lovino's face, which was about twenty times better than the dance. He had thick, red eyeliner on, and the very edges were winged out with green. He had never seen Lovi like this, so he couldn't help but stare. He had to stop when he saw that his little Italian was getting impatient, and he had to come up with a way to respond.

"M-Maybe a little more than I should have…"

Lovino gawked at him and let out a rare one of his laughs.

"Well then," he said while putting his fedora on the Spaniard's head, "Maybe you should go next, so I can have my little show of my own. Hmmm?~"

Antonio laughed and looked over to Francis and Gilbert who were looking as though they had planned this.

He chuckled again, and kissed Lovino deeply. When they separated, he murmured huskily with a smirk.

"I guess I have to. It wouldn't be fair not to give my little Lovi a show just as good as he did."

**OMG! So, I had written this idea down in my last fanficton, and since I didn't have five reviews I figured: "Hey, why not go ahead and write the other fic?" **

**So~ This crack!fic will have many chapters as long as I keep getting song suggestions, and I'm willing to do omakes every now and then if more than one (awesome) song is suggested. **

**SO: CONTEST: First to review decides what song the BTT will dance to! ;) **


	2. Chapter 2: BTT

**Now peeps, I held a contest for the last chappie, and the person who won wanted me to write them dancing to a certain song. HOWEVER, that song would've led the chappie to be extremely humorous, and while I'm sure many want that, BOTH of the reviews I have gotten include the word "smexy" SOOO… this chappie contains two songs! YAY!**

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA NOR THE SONGS USED TO INSPIRE THIS CHAPPIE!**

**Enjoy!~ (I just realized how much that looks like what France would type…o.O…)**

The Spaniard maneuvered the happy, smug Italian off of his lap and repositioned the fedora on his head. He nodded to his two friends, and Antonio realized that the trio must have looked just as good as the twins did.

Gilbert was wearing some of his punk garb complete with a t-shirt with "f*** dich" written across the front of it. His black skinny jeans were adorned with spikes and chains, and his boots matched this as well. His hair was spiked with hair-gel, and overall he looked like a bat straight from hell. ((Ha… that rhymed)) Francis was wearing a white button-up with a black vest, and he was also wearing black skinny jeans. A necklace with a tiny Big Ben* hanging off of its chain hug down to his chest, and his hair was tied back with a ribbon. Antonio was wearing regular skinny jeans, a red button-up, and Lovino's fedora. Needless to say, they grabbed the attention of the room as soon as they walked up to the front.

"So," Antonio began, "should we start with the funny one or the _other _one?"

The ears of Lovino perked at the way he said "other".

_What did he mean by "other" is it- Wait. He just said they're doing TWO songs?!_

"I suggest we do the fun one, mon ami… It would be a shame to do the other and then ruin the effect."

"I agree with Franny. Let's do the awesome one first!"

Antonio grinned and set the song up. Lovino didn't have enough time to see what it was, but when he heard the first line, he _wished _he hadn't.

"_Everybody! Rock your body! Everybody! Rock your body, Right!..."_

Antonio was seeming to take the lead with him being in the center, and the other two were on either side of him doing a supportive kind of dance. Three facepalms could be heard going on: one from Arthur, one from Matthew, and one from Lovino. The music seemed to escalate, and Lovino could only brace for what was coming next.

"_Backstreet's back! ALRIGHT!"_

The song then became more upbeat, and Lovino could only watch in amusement as his boyfriend did a dance to one of the most well-known "boy-band" songs in the world. Secretly, Lovino had always loved the Backstreet Boys, but he would never let ANYONE find that out. He began thinking that if Antonio had known, maybe he would've done another song by them too. He began going through his mental playlist, not really paying attention until a particular line and sight made him blush.

"_Am I original?"_

Gilbert danced at this part, his hands tugging at the collar of his shirt, while the other two mimicked the "Yeah" that followed the line.

"_Am I the only one?"_

Francis took the main part of this as he flamboyantly waved his pointer-finger in a circle while one hand was on his hip. This gave Lovino enough time to realize what was happening next.

"_Am I sexual?"_

Antonio swayed his hips while his hands ran down his chest in an overly-dramatic manner. Lovino blushed at this and couldn't help but think:

_Hell yes you are. Bastard._

"_Am I everything you need? You better rock your body now!"_

This scene played out multiple times through the song, and by the time it was finished, Lovino couldn't help but be relieved that he wouldn't have to deal with Antonio dancing like that. He had to restrain from running up there and kissing him every time he saw it. At least he wouldn't have to deal with that kind of torture again.

Or so he thought.

The trio quickly set up the next song and Lovino couldn't help but let his entire face heat up when he recognized the bass beat.

_What a damn tease… BASTARD!_

The dance was dirty from the start, and the trio seemed to be doing exceptionally well at dancing to it.

_Go figure. _Lovino thought dryly.

"_I'm bringin' sexy back! Those boys don't know how to act! I think its special, what's behind your back! So turn around and I'll pick up the slack!..."_

Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert were WAY too good at this. Their hips kept perfect time, never missing a beat, and they performed all the complicated turns so smoothly that it was almost scary. _Almost._

Lovino was distracted from watching his boyfriend's *ahem* "assets" move to the beat by the quite humorous sight of Matthew running out of the room clutching his nose while blood practically poured out of it. Lovino couldn't say he didn't feel sorry for the guy, but you'd think with him living with Gilbert he'd be used to displays of this sort… and even worse.

_BAD MENTAL IMAGES! BAD MENTAL IMAGES!_

Lovino screamed internally to himself while clutching each side of his head with his hands.

_AH! IT BURNS! THE HORROR! THE HUMANITY! _

Quickly, he desperately sought for some mental bleach, and boy did he get it.

On the final line of the song, the entire trio ripped their shirts off, leaving the audience screaming in encouragement at the boys. Antonio smiled and tilted the fedora- no, _Lovino's fedora_- to the audience. As soon as he was done pleasing the crowd, he picked up his shirt that had been sloppily discarded onto the floor, and made his way over to his boyfriend. As he sat down, he gave the Italian a cocky smirk and put the fedora back on its owner's head.

"So… Did _you _enjoy the-"

Antonio was cut off by a pair of lips on his own, and if the action had caught him off guard, the passion behind it stunned him even more. Lovi had _never _kissed him like this in public before, and even the overly-affectionate Spaniard could feel his cheeks heating up with a blush as the oblivious Italian wrapped his arms around his neck to further deepen the kiss. The chagrin quickly wore off as Antonio tried to run his fingers through Lovino's hair, and the action knocked the fedora off of his head.

When they separated, both were flushed and panting slightly. Chuckling, Antonio picked the fedora back up and put it onto Lovi's head.

"So, I'll take it that your answer was yes."

"Shut up bastard, and don't you dare put your shirt back on!"

Antonio laughed again, knowing that this certainly would be an interesting night indeed.

**Yay! It's done! So let me 'splain some things for ya'll. **

**#1. The pairings in this chappie did include FrUk. However, there might just be some one-sided UsUk in this story's future. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge***

**#2 I could not resist not writing in the Big Ben necklace. I saw one of those as well as one with an Eiffel Tower on it in a store one day. THEY WERE SIDE-BY-SIDE. 'Twas destiny I say!**

**#3 Poor Mattie, he didn't get to see Gilly-dearest strip… Tsk, tsk, tsk. **

**#4 For those of you wondering, I made the BTT rip their shirts off simply because they needed a grand finale, and I didn't want Francis to end up flashing/mooning/emotionally-scarring someone. (Which almost did happen, mind you.)**

**SO- Next chappie will probably be Mattie's or Artie-dear's turn. And if it's Arthur: YOU BETTER BELIEVE HE'LL BE IN HIS WAITER OUTFIT MUTHATRUCKERS! (Well, at least for part of it anyway…)**

**Suggest songs if you wish, and pwease review! Reviews make me one of the happiest beings on the planet, and you do NOT want to see me sad… So pwease?! With awesome sauce on top?! **

**Bye ya'll!**

**~Misfit**


	3. Chapter 3: Canada's turn

**Hey Guys! **

**So here's the dealio: The past chapter gave me an idea for the rest of this fic. Alomost all chapters from here on out will have two songs: A personal/solo/funny and an awesome/group/*ahem***_**smexy **_**one. Since I already promised this chappie to Canada-dearie, I'm afraid other characters will have to wait for a bit. However, if you request a character that is actually in the series (no OCs please… they're awesome, but I just can't write them well…) I will try my best to write a chappie on them. For a list of upcoming chappies/characters, look at the end.**

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA, NOR ANY MUSIC USED. AT ALL, LIKE NONE. GOT IT?**

**Okay. **

**Enjoy!~**

Matthew returned from the bathroom moments after the performance by the trio had ended. His face was still flushed, but his nose was no longer bleeding. However, despite his seemingly calm exterior, he was about to do something that no one would expect. With a determined gaze, he made a beeline toward Gilbert, who was still flushed and shirtless from the performance. The small Canadian stood in front of him, and before Gilbert even had time to say "five-meters" he found himself being pulled down into a rough kiss.

The sudden action earned some stunned gazes and a few catcalls from some in the room, but Matthew didn't care. Gilbert was his, and no one could stop him from kissing him senseless, not even a group of stunned party animals. Gilbert himself was a little shocked by the action himself, but he wasn't complaining. He steadied himself by wrapping his arms and pulling Matthew deeper into the kiss. This ended with several more catcalls, and the only response that they got was the middle finger from both of the lovebirds. When they finally pulled apart, both were smiling and giggling like idiots.

"Please tell me that after a kiss like that, you're going to dance. Otherwise, birdie, otherwise we might have to…"

Matthew interrupted his albino with a giggle and a smile, and began playfully scolding him.

"Ah, ah, ah!~ Do you want me to dance or not?"

"Of course…"

"Then let me, eh?"

Gilbert gave up his grip on his boyfriend with a frown, but it soon disappeared when Matthew winked at him. This would certainly be interesting for sure.

Matthew walked up to the front of the room and stripped himself of his heavy jacket that he always seemed to be wearing, which revealed his black shirt with a red maple leaf in the middle. The shirt hung off one of his shoulders, and he also was wearing a chain with a small yellow bird on the end. His skinny jeans were a dark blue, and his shoes were red high-tops with polar bear paw-prints running along their rubber soles.

He quickly chose his song, and Gilbert found himself wondering if his Canadian had planned out all of this. The song started, and Gilbert quickly recognized his boyfriend's favorite song blasting through the speakers.

"_I was once a girl and_

_Now I am a young woman_

_Blossomed and I've sprung with all my might._

_Ain't It kinda intriguing_

_Things for you that I'm feeling_

_Seems that it happened overnight."_

Matthew's dance was a little flirty, but still relatively modest. The dance seemed to match his personality extremely well, and many in the room noticed how well he danced to it. Gilbert found himself smiling at the sight, and he got the feeling that he was the only spectator that knew what was coming next.

"_Near the end of the song now_

_Is it turning you on now? _

_Am I warm or am I nice and hot?"_

_Definitely hot_, Gilbert thought.

Matthew's dance had gone from slightly flirty to downright teasing, and Gilbert found himself blushing like a schoolgirl at the sight.

"_Do you fancy when I'm near?_

_I can bounce on your knee dear_

_Whatever you like I plan to do it on top!"_

The dance got even worse at this point, and Gilbert had to ignore the catcalls of the audience, which was becoming quite hard to do with Matthew being cheered on by thirty people that were all cramped into the now seemingly small room.

"_I'm tired of playing these games so_

_Darling which way do we go?"_

Matthew turned around at this point and looked directly at Gilbert.

"_Tell me that I'm your lady _

'_Cause I won't be your hoe!"_

Antonio and Francis started laughing uncontrollably at this, and Gilbert couldn't help but crack a smile.

"_Notice me,_

_Notice me,_

_Why're you makin' me shout it?_

_Make a move 'cause its gettin' crowded._

_Notice me,_

_Notice me,_

_Why're ya bein' such a dick about it?"_

Matthew ended the song with a hip switch that revealed a little bit of the skin on his torso, and he bowed a bit shyly to the cheering crowd before walking over not to Gilbert, but to Arthur and Lovino. Gilbert couldn't help but smirk. The trio's boys were about to give a little show of their own, and Gilbert had the feeling that it would be… well, _awesome_.

_****~Timeskip of Supermegafoxyawesomehottness ~****_

All three of the guys were standing in front of the screen, so their boyfriends couldn't see what song they were choosing. When it seemed to be chosen, they all took their place and got ready to dance.

"_1, 2, 3 _

_Not only you and me_

_Got 180 degrees and I'm caught in between._

_Countin' 1,2,3 _

_Peter, Paul, and Mary_

_Gettin' down with 3p_

_Everybody loves-"_

The dance was even worse than what the trio had originally danced to, and all the boys were perfectly in-sync with each other. If that wasn't bad enough, the song involved getting into some _interesting positions _as well, and even Francis blushed at this.

Matthew took the middle position, and began to dance the lead role.

"_Babe, pick a night_

_To come out and play_

_If it's alright,_

_What do you say?"_

He then switched roles with Arthur, who seemed to really enjoy dancing to this. Or rather, he enjoyed watching Francis' face in the reflection of the T.V. screen.

"_Merrier the more,_

_Triple fun that way,_

_Twister on the floor,_

_What do you say?"_

Arthur then changed roles with Lovino, who switched to the new dance style effortlessly. His part was smoother than the other two's, and he was going to make sure he did it very, _very_ well.

"_Are you in?_

_Livin' in sin is the new thing, yeah!_

_Are you in?_

_I am countin'!~"_

This pattern continued throughout the entire song, and there wasn't a moment that one of them wasn't doing a dirty dance move. This made Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert drool and want to jump up and well… you know. However, they didn't realize that it would get even worse.

Suddenly, all three of the dancers turned around and looked at each of their boyfriend with smirks on their faces. Then, they started dancing.

"_What we do is innocent._

_Meant for fun and nothin' meant._

_If you don't like the company,_

_Let's just do it you and me._

_You and me…_

_Or three…_

_Or four _

_On the floor."_

Then they turned back around and finished out the chorus. With the final line, all three put their arms around each other, and dipped their hips in a ripple.

They finished and smiled toward their audience, which rewarded them with applause so loud that it was nearly deafening. Before they could even walk over to their boyfriends, the trio was already beside them, and all three pulled their boyfriend down for a kiss in the middle of the dance floor.

When they separated, Matthew smirked and looked up with teasing eyes.

"You liked it?"

His only response was Gilbert trailing kisses from his chin down to his neck.

"I'll… take that as a yes."

**Okay, YAY! I finally wrote it! Sorry to those of you who were looking forward to an update sooner, I just wasn't in the mood to write anything happy last week. **

**Also: I will be writing an omake where Mattie-dearest dances to Canadian please. This will be in the "intoxicated" chapter that'll be written using many characters who are rumored to be lightweights. *cough*ENGLAND*cough***

**Next chapters (if I don't get writer's block):**

**-England**

**-intoxicated!Chappie**

**-Nordics**

**-Russia (kolkolkolkol…)**

**Excited? I am! Thanks to those who review, favorite, and follow. It makes me go all fuzzy inside when I get a review. ^.^**

**(I'll be updating my other stories over the next few days if you wanna check those out as well… that would be quite awesome of you.)**

**BYE YA'LL!**


	4. Chapter 4: England RAWKS IT

**DON'T KILL ME! HERE'S ANOTHER CHAPTER TO APPEASE YOU PEOPLE.**

**Welp, my internet is down. *eye twitch* However, I had just enough time before my internet so cruelly died on me to see that I had gotten a BUNCHA reviews (i.e. like four). Anywho, I'm grateful for these awesome reviewers because without them I wouldn't have awesome ideas for upcoming chappies. So… Thank you SOO much for those who reviewed.**

**I also should point out that I'm writing so soon after the last update simply because someone like begged me to update… And what am I if not a people pleaser? Lol.**

****EDIT: I'm convinced that school completely and utterly hates me writing anything other than essays. After I started this chapter a few days ago, I remembered I had to write an essay and do other boring crap, so I didn't get to finish up this chapter until today… FAIL** **

****DOUBLE EDIT: I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH THE EFFIN' CHAPPIE. Sorry ya'll.****

**Also, I know I had a list for upcoming chappies, but due to my disturbing lack of internetz, and the fact that I have the memory of a goldfish, I don't know if this is chapter is supposed to be England's or not. But I'm writing it anyway. **

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR ANY SONGS USED. LIKE I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS YA'LL.**

**Enjoy dearies!~**

After Arthur and Francis decided to stop snogging in the middle of the dance floor, Francis looked at Arthur with an adoring gaze.

"You really should dance like that more often, mon petit lapin…"

"Oh, believe me: I'm just getting started. Next time-"

Arthur paused mid-speech to look at Francis' "Big Ben" necklace in amusement. Francis felt his face flush because Arthur had grabbed in between his forefinger and thumb to twist it around, which caused the back of the chain to rub against Francis' neck.

"May I ask what the bloody hell this is?"

His voice was teasing, and he seemed to mildly amused.

"U-um… Well, you remember that time you joked about the Eifel Tower France's…you know?"

Arthur giggled a bit at the memory, and he pulled a small chain out from under his punk-rock tee-shirt in order to dangle the pendant in front of Francis' face. It was a miniature replica of the famous tower encased in a small bottle that also contained a small, red rose.

"Looks like we had the same idea."

Francis had no time to respond to that as Arthur was already sashaying his way over to play the game again.

The Brit was clad in his punk attire, which completely contradicted everything Francis thought he knew about the British man. His tee was plastered with some obsolete British band, and everything from his studded leather bracelets down to his beaten combat boots screamed bad influence. His hair was even streaked with bits of green and black, adding to the look. Francis couldn't help but notice the row of piercings that ran down both of his ears, which he had never seen before. However, nothing was better than seeing that little bottle bounce with each confident step that Arthur took all the way back to the dance floor.

Arthur strode over to the controller and chose a song that certainly didn't look familiar to Francis, and he was curious to see what would happen next.

Arthur stood in front of the screen and began to swing his hips slightly to the beginning bass notes of the song as the singer began to belt out the tune.

_I've been tryin' to get my head around_

_What the f*ck is happening._

He continued swaying hips at this, and Francis was mildly surprised to find that the song wasn't punk rock or metal. It sounded mildly calm, but it had just a wee bit of rebellion added to it.

_Just like him, _he thought.

_I've been tryin' to make some sense out of_

_What you're doin' with my head. _

He started doing some slightly modest dance moves at this point, but Francis could tell that the Brit was holding back. He danced through another verse in a similar style to this, but it was anything but boring to Francis. It was as though the Brit was holding back.

That was, until, the song went into its interlude.

_There's just this thing about you!_

The music changed styles a bit as a new beat was added to the now familiar background base, and a guitar solo started.

_Ah, there's the bit of punk!_

Arthur, for lack of a better term, proceeded to, ahem, break it down. His hips were swaying in time with the rapidly increasing tempo of the solo, and if anything, the dance got downright flirtatious, and the dance style remained unchanged even when the solo ended.

That was the moment that Francis realized that his beloved Brit wasn't doing the dance that was being shown on the screen anymore, and he noticed that the score was dropping rapidly.

He was puzzled over why the man was seemingly trying to lose the game when he realized:

_He's putting on a show._

Damn that Briton! He was deliberately trying to give Francis a show, and Francis didn't want to admit that he was flattered.

He began muttering under his breath soon after the realization.

"That sneaky little Brit… trying to earn attention… What does he-"

Francis didn't realize that the song had ended, and that his boyfriend was hovering directly behind his left shoulder.

"-think-"

Arthur leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"-he's-"

Francis' complaints nearly died in his throat, but not before he finished his thought aloud.

"-doing?..."

Arthur smirked as he placed a chaste kiss upon the Frenchman's lips.

"Whatever the bloody hell I want, wanker."

The insult seemed half-hearted and almost like a nickname with the way the blond said it, but Francis didn't have time to give his own retort before Arthur's hand was grabbed by Alfred, who led (read: dragged) to the dance floor.

Francis' first reaction was of anger and outrage, and his hand clenched so tightly around the wineglass that was perched in his hand, that it broke and spewed red wine all over the white couch that was undoubtedly new. He didn't care. It was that stupid American that was dancing with his Englishman.

_How dare he._

Before Francis could have a lovely "chat" with the American, music began to play, and Francis had to wait until the dance would end.

_Hey England! Let's Kick it!_

Francis was seething at the song choice as he watched Alfred and Arthur dance to some rap song. Arthur, of course, was executing the dance flawlessly, and Francis found it funny that he could even make a dance like that look so proper and smooth. Alfred, on the other hand, appeared to be having some sort of spaz-attack on the dance floor as he did the choppy dance that Arthur was so gracefully pulling off. As the chorus played, Francis heard one line and found himself getting angrier and angrier as the song went on.

_I love England and vice-a versa!..._

The song ended as abruptly as it began, and Arthur turned to smile at Alfred and thank him for dancing with him, as a proper gentleman should, but Alfred had another idea in mind. He promptly leaned down and-

_Oh. Mon. Dieu. _

-kissed Arthur.

Arthur smacked Alfred in the face, and tried to get away, but the American grabbed his wrist hard and smirked, even though the Brit was clearly uncomfortable. Francis ran across the room in a fit of rage and pulled Alfred off of Arthur and proceeded to, for lack of a better term, beat the _merde _out of the man with a strength no one knew the Frenchman possessed.

After he finished, he stood up and made a show of kissing Arthur in front of Alfred, and after they broke the kiss he picked the beaten man up by his collar and spoke menacingly into his ear.

"If you lay another hand on him, I can assure you that I will make sure that I do something that will ensure you will never be able to have children. Got it?"

Alfred nodded frantically, and Francis released his hold on the man's collar, which made his head thump loudly against the floor.

"Good. Now-"

He turned to Arthur who was standing behind him.

"-What were we doing?"

Arthur smirked as he grabbed the Frenchman's hand.

"Something having to do with the Eiffel Tower…"

**Don't kill me, Don't kill me, Don't kill me. *Hides from USUK fangirls with pitchforks and torches* I thought that FrUk would fit better into this story, so that's why I wrote it. I do support USUK, and I plan on writing a story with USUK (I've actually started it :3)**

**Yup, I HAD to make France get jealous. I find Jealous!France funny yet scary at the same time, lol. **

**Anyways, thanks for reading! **

***turns on kitty face***

**I CAN HAZ REVIEWS?**

**~Misfit**


	5. Chapter 5: Life in Plastic!

**Hey guys!**

**Guess what! I'm not dead!**

**Yeah, it's been a while since I've written, and I know that some people have been waiting for a new chapter. To those people, I'm sorry that it took me so long to write this. To be honest, I had lost inspiration for this story a while ago, but I decided to see how many views it had gotten since my last update. I was expecting no more than 200, but when I logged in and saw how many views this story had, I cried. **

**OVER A THOUSAND. **

**You people are awesome, so without further author weirdness…**

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.**

The party was beginning to become more rowdy as the booze started to disappear and the upstairs bedrooms became- ahem- _occupied. _Francis and Arthur had left after their little incident with Alfred had drawn a little too much attention, leaving the poor American passed out in the middle of the floor. He was simply dragged outside to the front porch and left there. In the intoxicated party-goer's minds, this would deter any party crashers from entering the house.

Lovino and Antonio were completely drunk at this point, which lead to them staggering to the front to dance together. To Antonio's dismay, the song he wanted to dance to required four people, and in his drunken state he clung to Lovino and began to sulk.

"What now? I really wanted to dance to this song~!"

Lovino rolled his eyes and pried the man off of his shirt.

"Hold on a second bastardo, OI BARBIE AND KEN!"

Feliks and Toris looked up from their drinks. Lovino grinned as he spoke.

"Ya wanna dance?"

Feliks perked up, nearly knocking over his fuzzy navel, and before Toris knew it he was pulled into the middle of the dance floor by his boyfriend in a pink mini-skirt and heels. He hoped the song wasn't what he thought it was, but as the song began, he couldn't help but whimper.

Lovino and Feliks took the center, striking a pose back-to-back as they began to dance.

"I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world! Life in plastic, it's fantastic!"

Feliks broke from the pair and continued to dance as Lovino just stood there, frozen in a creepily doll-like state.

"You can brush my hair!"

Feliks now froze as Lovino danced.

"Undress me anywhere!"

They both danced as the last line of the intro was sung.

"Imagination! Life is your creation!"

The rest of the song continued in much the same manner as the intro, with the two "Kens" joining in. That is, of course, until the most awkward part of the song played out. Toris and Antonio had to do a duet similar to the intro… with the addition of some *ahem* thrusting.

"Kiss me here!"

Antonio danced confidently to this part, and Toris realized he had to dance to the most awkward line ever, but he did it anyway.

"Touch me there!"

Both danced to the next line, and Toris actually found himself laughing.

"Hanky panky!

As the song ended, Feliks came over and kissed Toris on the cheek. Toris blushed furiously, which resulted in Feliks laughing uncontrollably. Toris pouted at his boyfriend as he slowly slunk down to the floor, which resulted in Feliks' rump straight up in the air as he continued to giggle, causing his boyfriend to blush even more.

"Hey! What's so funny?!"

"You can, like, pelvic thrust in front of an entire room of people, but if I kiss you on the cheek, you get embarrassed!"

Toris considered this as he helped the mini-skirt-clad man up and began to giggle too.

"Guess I'm just weird, huh?"

Feliks giggled some more as he walked over and grabbed his purse from the counter.

"You have, like, noooo clue!"

Toris stopped laughing as he felt something hit the back of his head and he heard the yell of someone shouting.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The room descended into chaos as people began to throw chips, dip, pizza, or whatever kind of food they could find. Toris found himself being pelted with walnuts, which thumped against his skull, causing his head to begin to throb under the collective force of the nuts. He tried shielding himself from their relentless pelting, but his hands and arms didn't do the trick. Being an opportunist, he hid his Feliks under the counter, grabbed the purse, and shielded himself with it. With a battle cry, he began to pelt stuff back at his tormentors.

"I GOT A SHIELD MUTHAF*CKAS! GAAAAAAHH!"

The fight slowly fizzled out, and Feliks finally came out from his hiding place. He greeted his boyfriend with a smile, and Toris noticed he had somehow gotten pink frosting on this left cheek.

"Aww, my hero!"

Toris accepted the praise proudly as he was hugged, but his happiness was soon shattered when he felt a sharp thump on his temple.

"Wha-?"

"You may, like, totally be my hero, but that purse is from [insert expensive brand here]'s new line!"

The bag was ripped out of Toris' hands, but when he felt a kiss on his lips, he knew all was forgiven.

Feliks perked up again, happy that he had his purse back, and giggled as he walked away from the kitchen, his hand intertwined with Toris'.

**I FEEL LIKE SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON. I DIDN'T UPDATE… FOR MONTHS.**

**I'm so sorry you guys, and I would like to apologize to someone I had told I would update a few months ago, but never did. I'm not gonna say your name, but I sincerely apologize. I'm also sorry to say that I'll be starting school soon, but I'll try to update any chance I get. **

**On a happier note, I finally got to use one of my favorite bloopers from Hetalia! XD YESH.**

**Next chapter will be another cracky one, and then it'll be Russia's turn! (kolkolkol…)**

**Feel free to send in suggestions for future songs you want Russia and/or the Nordics to dance to (I've ignored them for too long…).**

**Please leave a review!**

**EDIT: I HAD WRITTEN FELIX INSTEAD OF FELIKS... DANGIT PEWDS. DX**

**~Misfit ;D**


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